Turning 50 is Hard Work

So tomorrow i enter "the new 30"

the hardest part will be having to have to push the 5 button first for age? when you sign onto the stair master or treadmill at the gym --- you know the machines that allegedly measure the amount of calories you are burning based on your weight and age --- the two things people lie most about (except for getting laid, how much you earn and voting for bush -- " i didnt vote for him!"). Also if I burned as many calories as the machine tells me, I would weigh 120 by now. Hard work you know.

It is not that i don't want to turn 50, their aint much choice.

after all with the golden years ahead I have plenty to look forward to...

1. Bush will still be president until i am 51, 5 months 9 days.
2. By the time i hit 62 (or for full amount 66 and 7 months) Bush will make sure the social security system has been completely spent achieving victory in Iraq.
3. I could get to see Jeb, Pierce, George P or even Jenna/not-Jenna become president in my lifetime.
4. I can make a trek to the Bush library in Texas to see the "original" My Pet Goat.
5. Picking up brush does get a bit more cumbersome (oy my aching back) after 50 -- i could hire an illegal to do that for me. (we have a lot of brush in Manhattan)
6. Babs the Impaler is not my mother

So far no cards from the 'rents or friends -- just 2 offers to join AARP, more solicitations from charities I never heard of, and another bill from the New York Sun -- that rightwing rag that is dropped off at my doorstep every morning -- the one I never asked for (or ever would, despite the fact it makes great dog shit picker-upper). The cat left me a present this morning -- a large hairball and all its assorted goo -- but you know, I still love that cat.

I think the office is planning a cake. Probably with a picture of Laura on it -- they know how much I idolize her.

I think i feel pretty good for 50, (snark to fucking Bush). since living in Deciderworld is hard work. But alas "our" (a term used very loosely) -fearless- dear leader has not aged well. I chronicled his descent (I wish into madness, but he is already there -- just into his golden years) (see my post on The Picture of Dorian George), and man, is there schadenfreude in that or what?

I feel fortunate turning 50 in a country like this. I will feel more fortunate when all of us who turn 50, 60, 30, 90, 22 or whatever age can go back to enjoying what this country is really about. So insteading of celebrating my 1/2 century mark --- we can wait and celebrate President McDoodyPants' 62 years, 6 months and 14 day birthday.

But who's counting anyway.

Off to some margaritas......